Hope?

 Lets call this one The Hope Post! We don't always know when hope is right around the corner.  Things can look bleak at best, as it did for us at the beginning of this week.   But things are good.  Treatment is going well, and I am so proud of my son for doing this.  It is incredibly hard I can't go see him, but they have a no visitors policy in place due to a certain illness.  The 10 minute daily phone calls however, totally make my day.

He seems to be doing well, the food isn't the best, I got a very strong "EH" when I asked about it, and he misses my cooking.  I know they are giving him Ensure to drink, which is fairly typical for someone with an ED to make certain they get at least some of the nutrition they need.  As long as things continue to go well, he should be able to come home on Monday.  His psychiatrist has put him on Prozac and has already upped the dosage because he was doing so well on the initial dose.  From here I would imagine a team will be put together to work on the AN and his mental health issues.  Monday should be interesting to say the least.  He did ask what was for dinner that night, and since it is Valentines Day, it will most likely be dinner out.  Something fun to plan for.  But also something to potentially worry about.  

This feels like the first steps on a long road to recovery.  I would love to say this will be the one and only time we find ourselves in this situation.  It would be delusional of me though to think we couldn't end up here again.  For my S18AN, the cutting seems to be triggered by hopelessness. When he feels things are not getting better, when he feels like the support from the professionals is deeply missing, he cuts.  Usually superficially. That isn't always the case, nor will it always be the case.  I am hoping (there is that word hope again) they are helping him find other means of coping with this desire to self harm. I have read several ways to do this.  Rubber bands to snap, taping up the tools they use so when they feel the need they have to take the time to get the tape off, and then usually by the time they do, they don't want to, or need to.  I am  not sure this would work properly as he has taken to dismantling razors he uses to shave with to get the blade to cut.  Talk about patience.  

In spite of all of that, all the unknowns, I have hope.  And that is what I am going to focus on for now.

Much love