Lifeline

 The search continues.  I feel like this occupies my thoughts day and night.  I reached out to my son's school counselors last night through email.  They responded this morning, helpful, without shaming him for not being in a mental state to attend school right now. There were also links listed for further information and resources.  Not all helpful to our situation, but it's a start in the right direction.  

I had dug around on the Tricare website again yesterday, turning up a daunting list of 30 more psychotherapists in our area. I use the word area lightly, some were 30-40 miles away. Not all specialize in eating disorders, which to me is important.  Yes, he needs help with his depression, and self-harm, but because AN is a disease that effects the brain, the first thing that needs to be addressed is helping him to re-feed himself. The human brain is about 60% fat, without healthy fats feeding your brain, it isn't going to function properly.  An unfed brain doesn't see the need to stop the harmful habits, it encourages them to continue them, feeds the self harm and fights tooth and nail to stay in control.  So getting a person suffering from AN to a healthy weight is imperative so therapy can be effective.  

My latest adventure in the search for help brought me to a Tricare approved virtual therapy website.  I filled out the form to request an appointment.  What I got was "The responses you gave lead us to believe you need a higher level of care than we can provide you".  There was a promise to search my area and call me.  And while I wait, here is a list of websites you probably are already aware of to look at if you need help....

I completely understand that the moment you mention self-harm, or severe depression, they do not want to be held liable if something happens.  But being told they will call you at some unknown point to offer help when you are already struggling to find the help needed, well, it feels like a let down.  

I don't know if we are in a place where he would be taken seriously if I tried to Baker Act him.  Its something we have talked about.  His heart rate is lower, than I think it should be, 47bpm while he slept last night, during the day 57-65 unless he stands, then it sky rockets.  A low temperature is another indication, he is fairly normal in that aspect. Although today it is lower than yesterday. He is incredibly forthcoming when he talks to me about how he is doing, how he feels, what the AN is doing to him.  When he talks to others, he glosses it over, so it doesn't seem as dramatic.  

We are still looking for that lifeline.

Much Love