Messy

 Somehow in the midst of all that is going on, I have become this person I don't really like.  I feel like I constantly need validation that I am handling this well.  Big surprise, I am not.  It has been a very long time since I was the person who needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold my hand and listen to my sob story.  Turns out being the strong one that my friends came to for answers was a job I enjoyed.  Now I feel like every time I text someone, its to whine about our problems.  

There are good things happening, my son will hopefully be in treatment soon, which means there is light at the end of this chaotic tunnel.  Two of the positions I sent in my resume to have set up interviews with me this week, which is super exciting.  Being able to work in the field I got my degree in, to be able to make a difference and see some good come out of it, and feel like I am contributing to my family feels really good.  

With all of that, why do I still feel like I need people around who are willing to scrape me up off the floor? I would much rather be the helper and not the help-ee. 

Much Love