Strong

One of the things I wish people would stop pushing, is how strong the military child/family is.  November is Military Family Month, which means all month long, while they honor military families, they will also be talking about how strong and resilient military families and children are.  You want to know a secret? While we are sometimes, we aren't always.  This proclamation of our strength and ability to handle anything, it promotes this belief that we can handle all of the things, that nothing phases us, that when deployments and times away happen, we carry on.  And we do.  But it comes at a price. 

What doesn't get discussed is the blow our, and our children's mental health can take.  My main squeeze, and my kids Dad, we have been married for 20 years now, came this weekend for a surprise, one last visit before his upcoming deployment.  Part of me wanted to say no, we had already done the goodbyes the weekend before.  Our oldest son, whom is dealing with his ED, and all the mental health issues that come along with it, had broken down at work last weekend, I didn't know if this was a good thing to put him through again.  At the end of the day, we still want to see him, and spend as much time as we can as a family.  

It was a good weekend, of course it was! 24 hours of him home, and spending time with our kids.  Driving our anorexic son to and from work so he could get some extra time with him.  And he got to share his worries, he eats a little more when his dad is around, the dynamic is different.  He loves his dad.  So the more we are pushed and told to be strong and just get through it, the more irritated I get.  

I sobbed last night. I put so many expectations on myself.  To be this perfect parent who can fulfill all the roles, raise excellent people, take care of a house, our finances, and find time to work and fill in all the gaps.  It is A LOT.  So guess what.  I am not strong.  Not all the time.  Some days I am barely holding it together.  I don't think any of us truly are all the time.  

That is ok.  It is ok to fall apart, break down, and collapse under the pressure of everything.  And stay down for a day or two until you can get up again.  

Much Love